How Do I Make Money Online? – Want to Know The Answer?

I randomly stumbled upon this really funny, but true article when I was search on Google. Anyone who things they know everything about anything needs to get their head checked.  Just because you read how to remove a malignant tumor on Wikipedia doesn't mean you're certified to do it now, those people are called "doctors" and they went to school for over 7-years for a reason.  Many nerds/geeks, unfortunately, still have not figured out the difference between confidence and ignorance.  Reminds me of a dog that hasn't been properly socialized.  They think they're doing the right thing and "acting cool" while everyone else around them goes, "WTF?"

The internet is a great place that gives many people who would otherwise add nothing of value to society to make money, but unfortunately these anti-social freaks also don't know a thing beyond the phosphorescent glow of their computer screens.  What they don't quite realize is their "expertise" is controlled like a string to a puppet by Google.  It's impossible to win at something when someone else is making the rules.  By the way, Google doesn't need to put things to a "vote" before making the change.  Quite honestly, they can do whatever they want.  In short, all SEO experts are really just individuals who learned to keep running on the "treadmill".  Every time Google decides to change the speed on said treadmill, some "experts" fall off.

I have had the honor of spending time with the VP of engineering at Google through various events I attend. Essentially SEO experts are individuals who try to backward engineer what the company decided to do, but never quite figure it out. Someone I know said it best with this quote, "if the website is adding value to begin with, you wouldn't need to worry about SEO."

The article below is a pretty funny interpretation of what really goes on in the "online SEO" internet world.

“How do I make money online?”

So, over the last seven months, I started reading through thousands of forum posts, and ebooks.

I spent hundreds of dollars on software.

I signed up for three MMO education programs.

And yet, the answer to the question eluded me.

But along the way, I encountered many people who tried to convince me that, if I buy their service, then I could eventually achieve my goals.

Below, i’ve listed just a few of the characters you might meet on your journey to make money online:

Programmers

I’m Peter the programmer. I don’t know much about Making Money Online. But I know everything about HTML, DHTML, XML, C, VB, Delphi, Javascript, PHP, MySQL, Perl, CSS-P, ASP, ASP.NET, Lisp, AJAX, ActionScript, WINS, LAMP, and I usually talk in acronyms. I write computer code all day long. Consequently, I don’t know how to talk to girls. But, when I’m done, your website will be highly functional. Of course it will look ugly as hell. But if you want to make it pretty, you’ll need to hire a Designer. // END job_description

Designers

Hello I am Dan the Designer. I don’t know much about Making Money Online. I’m an artist. Money doesn’t concern me. Though no one has ever bought my paintings. Blame society! I have a lot of existential angst and I get very pissed off if you criticize my designs. So don’t ask for revisions. And, I don’t actually put any text on your website. I just do graphics. So, if you want to know how to write text so your website will rank, you’ll need a Keyword Researcher. Where are my depression meds anyway?? Dammit!!!

Keyword Researchers

Hey there mate, I’m King Kenny the Keyword Researcher. I don’t know much about Making Money Online. But me and my partners are now selling a super super SECRET spreadsheet containing 50,000 keyword phrases that are absolutely certifiably guaranteed to be the top TOP-performing, low competition niches that you need to capitalize on NOW NOW NOW — if you’re going to compete in the competitive world of Internet Marketing. I’m sorry for always repeating myself, but this list is just too important for you to pass up. Of course once you actually buy the list from me, you’ll never see me again. And you’re going to need to write your own unique articles for the keywords. I don’t do that for you. For that, you’ll need a Copywriter.

Copywriters

My name is Sally and I’m a 47 year old Milwaukee housewife with six children. Consequently, I weigh 457 pounds. I don’t know much about Making Money Online hunny. But I can write copy for you. But you’re gonna have to pay a lot of money for it – not because I’m a good writer, but because I was born in the USA and so i’ve been speaking english (and nothing else) my whole life. Now I don’t do article spinning so if you just want some cheap words to put up somewhere (for backlinks), you’ll have to go and hire some other third world article spinner somewhere.

Article Spinners

I am Muhammad Osama Bin Ackbar — a copywriter from bla bla. I don’t know much about Making Money Online. Hell I can barely speak English! But I will write any article you want — on any subject from childcare to atheism. No problem. Of course you will barely be able to understand my work, but not to worry, no no my friend. I only need 10 cents a day, so i’m very cheap. And, search engines can’t judge good copy from bad copy anyway! Search engines can only read keywords. Of course, I’ll just be emailing you the text. If you really want to “optimize” this text – so that it shows up in the search engines, you’ll need aSEO guy.

SEO Guys

I am Sammy the SEO guy. I don’t know much about Making Money Online. I spend most of my time in the SEO forums – arguing about who is the better SEO guy. But I have examined your website and I have found 37 errors in your TITLE tags, DESCRIPTION tags, ALT tags, and the atrocious design of your hierarchical page layout. If you give me money, I will fix these errors for you and guarantee that the search engines will like your website. Of course, onsite optimization only gets you so far. If you really want to rank, you’re going to need backlinks — lots of backlinks. I don’t build those. You’ll need a backlink builder for that. (p.s. Aaron Wall is a douchebag)

Backlink Builders

Hey mate, I’m Billy the Backlink Builder. I’m a 22 year old little shit who just happened to stumble upon the right forum one day – when I was 16 and trying to pickup chicks on the Dawson’s Creek website. I don’t know much about Making Money Online. But I do know a lot about web traffic and search engines. Because of this, I made a lot of money selling links — to other people trying to make money online. Want to see a picture of my new Mercedes? I’ve posted it here 14 times before but you can see it again.

My girlfriend says that brains are sexy. She’s not interested in my money…Really!! But, speaking of money, if you pay me, I can build up a massive deluge of backlinks that all point to your website. But once you get all that traffic coming, you better be ready for it. You’ll need a webmaster to handle your updates and watch that server load.

Webmasters

I’m Willy the Webmaster. I don’t know much about Making Money Online. I usually just say one sentence all day: “I’m working on something else right now, but I’ll get to that soon.” When I say this, what I really mean is: “I am currently watching porn.” God clients are so stupid. They always bug me when i’m busy. And anyway I’ve got a pretty good World Of Warcraft game going. So yeah, I’ll get to your server updates later. By the way, I take no responsibility for most of your server problems. For tough issues, you need to call your hosting company.

Hosting Company

Hello and thank you for calling Technical Support. We appreciate your business. Currently, there are 196 other callers in front of you. We’ll be with you shortly. Until then, please enjoy these great tunes from COOL JAZZ 95.1 FM. <Start Kenny G Music>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ClB2ljxZoM

Now notice that none of these people “make money online.”

But, really, all of these people “make money online.”

That is to say, all of these people are gears in the great machinery that is the digital age. All of these people hold A PIECE of the puzzle, that makes up a revenue-producing internet empire.

• You can make money online by providing any of the above mentioned services.
• Or, you can make money online by doing all of the above services YOURSELF — for YOUR OWN website.
• Or, you can make money online by being the conductor (the business manager) – who delegates tasks to all of the above people, and combines their skills to build a single profitable website.

Any of these three methods CAN be profitable. And, in my experience, most successful internet marketers do a little of all three.

The trick is in knowing:

• When to sell your services.
• When to buy services.
• And, when to learn to do services yourself.

But there is no one single answer to be had to the question, “How do I make money online?”

The answer is unique to each and every person — as each person has a vastly different skillset.
Ultimately, there is only one person out there who really, REALLY, REALLY knows the best way that YOU can “make money online.”

And that person is…

…

…

You.